The Great Minds Journal Club discusses Westfall & Yarkoni (2016)

[Editorial note: The people and events described here are fictional. But the paper in question is quite real.] “Dearly Beloved,” The Graduate Student began. “We are gathered here to–” “Again?” Samantha interrupted. “Again with the Dearly Beloved speech? Can’t we just start a meeting like a normal journal club for once? We’re discussing papers here, … Continue reading The Great Minds Journal Club discusses Westfall & Yarkoni (2016)

the weeble distribution: a love story

“I’m a statistician,” she wrote. “By day, I work for the census bureau. By night, I use my statistical skills to build the perfect profile. I’ve mastered the mysterious headline, the alluring photo, and the humorous description that comes off as playful but with a hint of an edge. I’m pretty much irresistible at this … Continue reading the weeble distribution: a love story

then gravity let go

This is fiction. My grandmother’s stroke destroyed most of Nuremberg and all of Wurzburg. She was sailing down the Danube on a boat when it happened. I won’t tell you who she was with and what they were doing at the time, because you’ll think less of her for it, and anyway it’s not relevant … Continue reading then gravity let go

Jirafas

This is fiction. The party is supposed to start at 7 pm, but of course, no one shows up before 8:45. When the guests finally do arrive, I randomly assign each of them to one of four groups–A through D–as they enter. Each assignment comes with an adhesive 2″ color patch, a nametag, and a … Continue reading Jirafas

the seedy underbelly

This is fiction. Science will return shortly. Cornelius Kipling doesn’t take No for an answer. He usually takes several of them–several No’s strung together in rapid sequence, each one louder and more adamant than the last one. “No,” I told him over dinner at the Rhubarb Club one foggy evening. “No, no, no. I won’t … Continue reading the seedy underbelly

deconstructing the turducken

This is fiction. Which means it’s entirely made up, and definitely not at all based on any real people or events.   Cornelius Kipling came over to our house for Thanksgiving. I didn’t invite him; I would never, ever invite him. He was guaranteed to show up slightly drunk and very belligerent, carrying a two-thirds empty … Continue reading deconstructing the turducken

sunbathers in America

This is fiction. Kind of. Science left for a few days and asked fiction to care for the house. I ran into my friend, Cornelius Kipling, at the grocery store. He was ahead of me in line, holding a large eggplant and a copy of the National Enquirer. I didn’t ask about it. I hadn’t … Continue reading sunbathers in America

CNS 2011: a first-person shorthand account in the manner of Rocky Steps

Friday, April 1 4 pm. Arrive at SFO International on bumpy flight from Denver. 4:45 pm. Approach well-dressed man downtown and open mouth to ask for directions to Hyatt Regency San Francisco. “Sorry,” says well-dressed man, “No change to give.” Back off slowly, swinging bags, beard, and poster tube wildly, mumbling “I’m not a panhandler, … Continue reading CNS 2011: a first-person shorthand account in the manner of Rocky Steps

to each their own addiction

An only slightly fictionalized story, for my long-suffering wife. “It’s happening again,” I tell my wife from the couch. “I’m having that soul-crushing experience again.” “Too much work?” she asks, expecting the answer to be yes, since no matter what quantity of work I’m actually burdened with at any given moment, the way I describe … Continue reading to each their own addiction

repost: narrative tips from a grad school applicant

Since it’s grad school application season for undergraduates, I thought I’d repost some narrative tips about how to go about writing a personal statement for graduate programs in psychology. This is an old, old post from a long-deceased blog; it’s from way back in 2002 when I was applying to grad school. It’s kind of … Continue reading repost: narrative tips from a grad school applicant